Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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