it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
