Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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