I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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