Yo dont text me then not text me
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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