summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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