We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
