I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
