look no pants
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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