This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
