She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
