Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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