im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
