Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
