I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
