Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
