ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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