what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
