I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
