she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
