There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
