just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
