Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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