I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
