Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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