the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
