Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
