nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
