you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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