it hurts more in the daytime
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
