sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
