I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
