I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
