had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
