you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
