You made me cry and you don't even care
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
