I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
