someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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