i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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