At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
