I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
