I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
