So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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