am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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