i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
