she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
