i barfeds in our rink
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
