You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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