He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
