Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
