i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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