sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
