The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sext me about skeletons
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