Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
